Losing someone you care about deeply can be really tough.

Now I understand why people who are grieving tend to blame themselves regardless of how hard the people around them try to convince them that they are blameless.

Because you know that when you love someone that much, you will always put yourself as the one in charge of their well-being.

Now I keep asking myself: What could I have done to prevent the accident? If I had done this, would they still be dead? Maybe I should have seen it on time. Maybe I should have known better. Maybe I should have checked first. Instead of allowing my sleep-deprived self to be so careless and unthinking.

Just a lot of maybes. What ifs. But it doesn’t really change anything.

I still dug two graves this morning. Two of my beloved kittens are still dead.